he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
