Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
