My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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