grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
