I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
