16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
