those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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