Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize