Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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