We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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