I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
