what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
