so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
