do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize