Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
