Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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