Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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