dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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