His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
