yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
