Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize