Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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