maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
