More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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