I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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