whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
