im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
