If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
