Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
