I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
