Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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