at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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