p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
