Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize