i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
