why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
