I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
