dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
