i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
