maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize