The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Jerry, you need to find god
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
