didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
