Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
