Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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