The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
