I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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