i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize