I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
