at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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