I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
