I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
