we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
