Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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