Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
