Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
