well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
