A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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