so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
