I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
