Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
