Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
