Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
