I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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