Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize