we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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