I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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