It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
