I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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