he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ketchup is God's man juice
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
