I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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