So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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