i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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