what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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