Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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