You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
