she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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