Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
