She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
