dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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