I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize