last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
