i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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