I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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