She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
