you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize