OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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