I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
