OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my sisters under your porch take her home
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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