Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
