i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
