Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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