he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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