I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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