Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
