I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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