So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
