Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
