I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize