it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
