The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize