At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
