Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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