You can't motorboat a personality
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize