My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
